Combatting Magical Thinking

Me being magical for Halloween

Magical thinking, a close relative of negative self-talk, plagued me for years, and proved to be a formidable barrier in my quest to overcome metabolic illness.

I felt lonely and left out, and imagined that if I could just make my bathroom scale reflect a magic number, I'd feel differently. It was a matter of willpower. I'd just fast, or diet, or run marathons or whatever until I achieved this goal and, voila!

My happy light would shine!

My happy light shining

So I'd start with my then current weight, which happened to be 250 lbs, and determine the amount of weight I'd have to lose per month to reach my magic happy number.

In reality, if someone is unhappy at 250 lbs and they change nothing other than their weight, they will be unhappy at 150 lbs. Plus, even if I determined I'd lose five pounds a month, I'd have to wait ten long months to be happy!

If that's not a reason for an ice cream binge, then what is?

My magical thinking began with with the most magical of all concepts: the Body Mass Index, or BMI.

BMI Bell Curve (attribution: The Economist). The Magazine used this curve to demonstrate that because BMI is used to determine eligibility for weight loss drugs, and BMI is based on caucasian data, some minorities are prevented from accessing those drugs.

BMI was invented in the late nineteenth century by a statistician and adopted by the insurance industry as an actuarial tool. It tells us where our weight falls in a bell curve compared to others sharing our gender and age group. The insurance industry uses the BMI as a means to predict risk since obese patients (the ones on the right tail of the bell curve) are at greater risk for illness.

BMI tells us nothing about Body Fat Percentage, Basal Metabolism, or whether fat is located in the abdominal cavity, which are far more accurate measures of insulin resistance and metabolic illness and far more useful tools for purposes of actual diagnosis and treatment. Moreover, the BMI bell curve has historically been based on an overrepresentation of caucasians.

Insurance eligibility for bariatric surgery and weight loss medication is based on BMI. Medical professionals rely heavily on BMI in their practice since the insurance company pays for care, leading providers to focus on reducing weight while ignoring the need to build muscle.

New York fashion week by Masaki H Wiki Commons

The illusion of the magic number is aided and abetted by the fashion and weight loss industries which induce anxiety through advertisements to sell their goods.

It is possible to be a five foot six inch female athlete with an ideal body fat percentage and weigh 200 lbs. Yet looking at BMI alone, this athlete would be classified as obese.

And she would not be able to wear Lululemon or shop in many stores.

(Story break: I have a friend who spends most of his spare time working out in a gym and doesn't carry around an ounce of spare tire. One day he called me up after visiting his doctor who told him to go on a diet because he is supposedly obese. They do not teach common sense in medical school.)

As a young woman, my doctors told me that to be healthy I needed to weigh approximately 125 lbs. The clothing I wanted to buy required me to weigh 125 lbs. But 125 lbs. was never a realistic goal. It would have left me with very little muscle, and an extraordinarily slow metabolism as it is muscle that burns energy.

Fortunately, with assistance from a fitness coach, I realized that I didn't feel left out because of my weight.

I felt left out because of what I could not do!

I couldn't go on walks or bike rides or ski with my family. I was often too exhausted to do much of anything in the evening. So I sought out medical assistance for metabolic disease in the form of bariatric surgery, but I set goals for my future based on what I wanted to do.

Walking at Red Rocks in Colorado after bariatric surgery

I first set a goal of walking. And then a goal of showshoeing. And then a goal of skiing. And finally a goal of trekking with my husband in Nepal. (We had planned to do this for a honeymoon but life intervened and we never got the chance.)

These goals required me to engage in weightlifting to increase muscle strength, and in Jazzercise and Zumba to build cardiac fitness. And I didn't have to wait until I reached a magic number to feel happy. I felt happy because I really liked dancing with my friends and I was having fun with my family, going hiking to look for birds, or snowshoeing, or just staying up late with them to watch a movie.

In less than a month, my husband and I will leave for our long awaited trek up Gokyo Ri in Nepal. If that isn't truly magical, then I don't know what is!