Motivation for Life Change

Biking with my husband in pursuit of my big goal

I learned an important lesson about motivation from Tana Beverwyk Abouda from Bridge to Health New Mexico. To succeed in a life change such as reversing addiction or obesity, you have to set a goal that meets a deep need.

Woman in cute small jeans, posted by Imani Bahati to Wiki Commons

It can be difficult to identify the need. We are literally trained by advertisements and the expectation of others to ignore our needs and to focus on appearance instead.

 In my case, I originally thought my deep need was to wear a smaller size of pants. As anyone who has ever tried to diet (which is pretty much everybody), the goal of wearing cute jeans is unlikely to motivate the long term behavior required for a complete change in lifestyle.

Here's how Tana helped me to identify a goal to serve that purpose. First, she instructed me to write my goal on an index card.

I wrote: "I want to wear size ten jeans."

"Why?" she demanded.

"So I'll look better."

"Why do you want to look better?" she asked.

"So people will want to hang out with me."

"Why do you want people to want to hang out with you?" she persisted.

"Because I feel left out."

"Why do you feel left out?" she asked.

"Because my family likes to hike and ski. I can't ski anymore and I can't keep up with them on hikes. I'm always so far behind I can't participate. I end up cooking and by the time we sit down to dinner, I'm too tired to join in the conversation."

"Will wearing a smaller size of pants help you to hang out with them?" she wanted to know.

"Noooo." I reluctantly dragged out the word.

"What is a goal that might help you feel part of the group?"

"I want to be able to ski again!" I exclaimed. And this became my big goal.

Tana's rule is that to identify your big goal, you have to interrogate your responses at least five or six times. Write down your goal and ask yourself why. Or have a friend ask you.

The diet industry tries to focus us on weighing less and on starving to fit into purchased items that will supposedly make us happy. They won't make us happy. They will make the person who sells us the item happy.

Setting skiing as a goal caused me to focus on building muscle and endurance. It also brought back wonderful memories of the ski adventures I'd had with my husband (then my boyfriend) when we were college students. The effort to attain the goal engaged my friends and family. We did not start with skiing. We started with walks. And lifting weights. And going to jazzercise classes or swimming with my friends. And then with snowshoeing.

Snowshoeing prior to bariatric surgery in pursuit of my big goal

This was rewarding and it was fun so I kept up the effort.

But this alone was not enough. I was lucky that my excellent insurance covered bariatric surgery, helping walking and swimming to effectively replace excess fat with muscle. The week before surgery, I went snowshoeing in Colorado with my husband. By the time I underwent surgery, I had thoroughly integrated movement into my life. Surgery maximized the impact of movement but movement also maximized the impact of surgery.

And it all made me feel good!

Fitness has nothing to do with willpower. You can't force yourself to be fit. Nobody is unfit because they are mentally weak. We are unfit because we work full time jobs and have families and because we ignore our own needs.

It does not help that when we seek medical assistance, doctors focus on weight and BMI. (This is because the insurance industry focuses on weight and BMI).

BMI, like weight, is a meaningless number. It is based on a bell curve, and tells us only what most people of a specific gender, age and height weigh. It really doesn't matter what the average woman of my age and height weighs. Who even knows if that mythical average woman is healthy?

A journey from obesity to health involves increasing bone density and muscle mass. It's a lot of work, but its a lot of fun, too.

I finally achieved my goal of skiing on my 60th birthday. My husband and I rented a suite for two nights at our favorite hotel in Taos. We got the room with the hot tub on the roof. And we skied at Sipapu for two days.

I called it my "Not Dead Yet" Party.

#motivation #goalsetting #wellness #health #movment #weightloss #fitness #recreation

NOT DEAD YET! A video of me achieving my big goal of skiing